Christmas Eve 2018

Another Christmas Eve has come upon us and quite quickly I might add. It seems to go fast especially when you are a mom. Before this month even began, I wasn't really looking forward to the season of Christmas. I don't hate Christmas, I just felt differently about how to handle it. Even ten years ago, I would stress myself out to get so much done in a short amount of time. The whole process of making sure to get to all the various family gatherings, the work, school, and church parties. The shopping, and the baking and the cooking, and the wrapping. It would exhaust me and that 's not what God would want me to experience on the day of Jesus' birth. I will admit I miss certain aspects of those days and I certainly miss seeing Grant's excitement and joy on Christmas morning when he was little. I miss a few of our own family traditions, like getting a Lego Advent calendar for Grant, putting Elliot the Elf in random locations and leaving notes for Grant on his behavior.  Baking homemade peanut better cookies an placing them on a plate with a glass of milf for Santa a.k. a Bill (because he worked at night.  I remember the Christmas when G was two years old, I stayed up until 2am putting together a Little Tykes police car Coupe. Bill was at work that night and I was soexhaudrec but guess what?? I did it and he used that little car for the next two years. What we do to make sure our kids enjoy and love Christmas??!!

Now that I have a teenager, the gifts under the tree are wrapped in smaller packages but cost a lot more money, lol! Isn't that how it goes as your kid(s) get older? The only thing I refuse to buy him is video games or anything that is associated with them. He can save or earn money to blow money on all that. This year, my new tradition with him is to write him a letter expressing to him my love and commitment on being his only parent. He may not appreciate it now but I know as the years pass by, my words to him will stick in his brain and he will know deep down that I have always tried to do the best I can with and for him. I have admitted to him my poor decisions and apologized for my mistakes. I think one day he will come to understand & appreciate that parents are not perfect. 

In the past three years, after Bill died, my mom, Grant and I have went to Hermitage Hills Baptist church for Christmas Eve service. After Genesis came into our world in 2016, Grant and I went to our home church for service. But as of the past two years, its been our own special blended family tradition to go to an early Christmas Eve service. 

Today, we went to the 2pm service and Genni was for the most part pretty good considering she is two and half y.o. She mostly wanted to eat and talk, imagine that??? By the way, she LOVES her Bubba a.k.a. Grant. And, she loves Santa! She sings "Jingle Bells" and her most recent obsession is to say "Whst's That?". As she has grown, her humor and habits are beyond comical! So very much like Grant it becomes deja vu'!!!

As much as I really miss having that "traditional" family and seeing most of my friends on FB with their spouses, kids, grandkids, etc. I have to admit that the peacefulness and quiet I have now is somehow invaluable. Now that I am getting older, I truly can pick and choose what I want to stress me out and it is for sure NOT Christmas. I planned ahead a little for the "extras" but all in all, I surely wont' be up until 2:00am! 

I really love Christmas and I know that each year will bring different circumstances and situations and feelings. Change is hard and I know that each of us is experiencing change is a variety of different ways. 

As I close, I will say that yes, this year has been challenging BUT I am ever so grateful that my son is healthy and becoming a really great young man, I am ever so thankful for my support system, those who love me and encourage me, or shoot me straight with honesty covered in love and loyalty. I am super blessed with friends and church family that goes before God in prayer on behalf of Genesis and the circumstances that surround her precious little life. I am thankful for the experiences and the lessons that I have learned this year to help me become what God has intended for me to be. I will be at the front of the line to admit that I am far beyond perfect, I know my flaws, my mistakes, my "perfectionistic" tendencies. I am working on that with much help from a therapist and my closest peeps, lo

I hope that if you read this, you know that I love you in my own special way. I may not have given you a material gift, but if I have given you my time, my thought, my prayer, or my presence, that is my  gift to you.

Merry Christmas Eve! 

~LoveYaMeanIt~